Life is not a bed of roses, a bed of thorns perhaps?

Heyy!

I don't know how many of you are reading this blog of mine, but yeah, my archives are too difficult for me to remove yet and too painful to read. So yeah, if you guys want updates, you guys can head over to shykinC.livejournal.com.

xoxo
S

 life have been treating me good so far.

I guess, when i don't really care anymore, The truth will always come to me at the end but I don't care anymore. I've always liked hanging out with a close circle of guys where I can be myself, unlike hanging out with girls.

I just love to go shopping with my guys friends and just lepak with them. Because I understand guy language and I understand when they beat around the bush thinking I mind them talking dirty. In actual fact, I understand them to the point when they wanna flirt with me their plan backfire especially guys with gf. (:

I don't wanna be the third party(:

By the way, I have awesome friends who treats me like a malay alr. hahahahaha! Dang man, like seriously. They're awesome friends(:

Though people say that malay guys are idiotic bastards, but to me, some of them proved me wrong. They're sweet and caring. That's why, I want my future husband to be a malay. Another reason being me wanting my future kid being cute/handsome/hot/beautiful when they grow up. I have mixed blood friends who're cute/hot but not mine to date. hahahaha!

Yeah, people may say that for me being together with a malay guy will lower my race ranking but it doesn't matter to me. It's proven that malay guys can be faithful to their spouses and I believe that I could find one just like them.

Anyway, my cny checklist:

1. Last Minute shopping. *checked*
2. Backup Plans. *checked*


I guess I'm all ready for CNY then. (:


Till then!

xoxo
Shykin.

 yeah, idk what lies ahead for me in 2011. i may stop finding for true love and might just give up all hope. I have a friend whom I used to date, he just proposed to his the other half and I am super jealous laaaaaa! hahahahahaha!

Yeah, I may have thoughts of settling down soon, but then I have to find someone and be financially stable first. Am thinking of these because my parents aren't young no more and my siblings and I are all females younger one's 19 and elder one's 25 this year. and me, I'll gonna be 23. and if I don't find one now, I wouldn't be ready to settle down since, if I find it at a later time, it'll be too late. Sigh.


I'm hoping fate is doing her job because she isn't doing really well in 2010.


xoxo
S

 I don't know what to think now.

I am really confused. I tried leaving the pieces alone and move on but I don't know why I'll head back to the shrapnels of memories, caressing it as if it's treasure even though it had pierced through and hurt me so much.

I've tried my best. My best friends told me to forget you and move on, I've tried but it just retaliate by me dreaming of you for a week. Dreams that I've never imagined happening.

Yeah, guys out there waiting for me just says it's crap, to move on and be with them. To them it's easy, to me it's damn fucking hard.

I might just get depression after all. Yeah, people may say I'm highly drama, but this is how much impact that you made in my life.

No amount of gratitude can I show to you how thankful I am to you. I really don't know.

I'm worried now. With my reconstructive surgery on the line, I don't know how much more I could take. I'm worried that I may get depressed after the surgery next year, that I couldn't do anything right after it. My mt. K and backpacking will have to wait for the year after next.

I have a colleague or two that I have shared the matter with said I am strong on the outside not the inside. She mentioned that if she didn't asked me about my ex, she would've thought nothing have happened. She couldn't see that I've lost something that I love.


Sigh.

I really don't know how I'll feel on wednesday.


xoxo
S

yes, you. you know who you are. I know it's impossible for us to be back together. But, yeah. was just hoping a miracle would happen. I guess i won't.

Sigh, you may forget or not want to think of whatever we've been through. But, truthfully speaking,I can't. Even though I've tried really hard, I'll just end up dreaming of you when I least expected it.

Memories of the two months are so vivid when I wish at the least that it could just go away. But it keeps coming back.

Is that a sign? Is that something that I need to take note of? I really don't know.



xoxo
Shykin

 yes. again.

I've tried so hard to forget, but it's damn frigging hard that I keep dreaming of you. Why? I don't know.


Sigh.


xoxo
Shykin.

I'm now at nuh stealing their wifi. Hahaha! Anyway,I'm just done with my follow up appointment and Dr.Lingaraj says I have to go through reconstructive knee surgery.

How sad is that man. Who will cover me in clinic? And I'm days away from my confirmationn, will they reconsider having me working with them? Omg, idk man.

Sigh...

On a lighter note, I'm kind of settling into endo and - hope everything will work out just fine. Because I don't wanna cause anymore trouble than there already is.

I guess I'll just stick up to it. (:


xoxo
Shykin

Sigh, yet another day full of stress. it's been two months and I've crammed almost everything i need to learn into my head. 

Push me to my limits and don't complain. I maybe slow, but I will pick up once I'm comfortable.

SIgh, only after a crazy day of work, then I could lay my hand on Felicia and like Fu'ad's brother, Razmi, told me, don't worry too much and just strum on my guitar and volia, it works!


Btw, it's been one month plus yet I still tear when I have thoughts of him.

Sigh


xoxo
k

 you know, i still miss you.

LOMOGRAPHY!

I was interested in photography but wasn't able to get those bigass dlsr so I've been using my phone all along till I stumbled across sazzthevillain introduced me to www.lomotionsg.com/ I realized it's a cheaper yet more complicated world of photography. Yes, everything may be cheap. The camera, films, processing. But add together, it really costs alot. But all in all, the thing about lomo is the excitement of looking through your photos only after a roll of film have been used up and processed.

So you really have to know your stuff before you get into it.

Anyway, I don't wanna say too much, here's some of my favorite photos:




( more LOMO here. )